Satan laughing spreads his wings

I'm dreaming of a white day after Christmas

Stupid nature.

This will be my cat someday.

ICE STORM OF THE CENTURY OF THE DAY, PART NINE

Well, I'm still without power, so I'm still having to stay across town, where it's all warm and electrical. I saw OG&E trucks about a block away from my place, so that's a good sign for tomorrow, but apparently, a whole new round of stormy crap is moving in pretty soon, so I could easily fall into that "7-10 days" area. Also, the dude on the radio, some places won't have power until after Christmas, and with my luck, that'll be me. Fun.
In other fun news, I decided to buy a half gallon of milk today, only to discover that they already had an identical one over here. D'oh. Also, decided to go against common sense and buy a pack of football cards while I was there, and I lucked out and got an "event-used football" card that's numbered out of 62, (as in only 62 of that card exist on Earth) which is really nice. On the other hand, it's a card of Robert Meachem, so it's probably effectively worthless. D'oh again.
But oh yeah, I found wires while I was at home, so here's that ICY DEVASTATION~! I mentioned yesterday:


This was the view right outside my front door yesterday. I have a strange feeling that this isn't safe.


Here's the neighbor's backyard, demonstrating probably the only good thing about not having a backyard.


Here's a tree that tried to fall on my car.


If I had a real camera, you'd see the park across the street covered in downed tree limbs.


Oooh.


Here's a tree that's currently trying to fall on where my car's usually parked.


And here's my lucky-to-be-alive car. Not only because of trees, but because of the retarded drivers around here, too. When a traffic light is out, you're supposed to treat it like a four-way stop sign. Around here, it's viewed as "wheeeee, green light!" And when the cops have the foresight to stick one of those temporary four-way stop signs in the intersection, they treat those as "wheeee, green light!"


More icy devastation from right outside my door.


Here's the view down Main Street, taken from a moving car, because I am DANGER MAN.


If I wasn't damn near dropping my camera while scrambling to take a picture at a stop sign while the "low battery" warning was blinking, you'd see that this street is entirely blocked off.


School's out, bitches.

Also, since I have the camera hooked up, here is a completely unrelated picture from like a year ago of Scooter taking a bath:


And here's my cat under a blanket, possibly to shield her from where my camera's flash has turned the fish tank behind her into DEADLY MAGMA:

Mitch Hedberg Boredom Haiku

Frozen banana?
No thank you, I don't want one
Regular later

Tight rope walking friend
Falls down and hits the sidewalk
Unacceptable

Not a cheese grater
That is its positive name
Tiny bits of sponge

Fed Ex truck driver
Drug dealer, does not know it
And always on time

Entrance of Target
People splattered all around
I am practicing

Cute infestation
Koala bears in my home
I'll feed you a leaf

Look at limes floating
Saved by citrus buoyancy
This shit's tropical

Can't eat juggler's fruit
That he only has three of
For practice routine

Injured, death metal
Becomes a capella band
Exiting pawn shop

Bush, party of three
Can eat when Dufrenes are found
Search party of three

Chicago Bears Haiku Sadness

Oh god, Rex Grossman
A human fumble machine
When does the pain stop?

Remember Ditka?
Maybe Lovie needs a 'stache.
That is the answer

On the other hand
There was also Dave Wannstedt
Mustache of evil

Ayanbadejo
Israel Idonije
Unpronounceable

Chicago Bears fans
Love slow, white wide receivers
But Kozlowski sucked.

Fuck Archuleta
Seriously, fuck that guy
The Redskins were right.

Devin Hester rules
Too bad he's our entire offense
Four touches per game.

Give me a B! E!
An N! An S! An O! N!
What's that spell? Failure.

Oh, Brian Griese
He'll never be like his dad
But he tries real hard

Orton's the man now
Weak arm? 70 rating?
Yup, he'll fit right in.

I Was Hoping They'd Do This in 2006, for the Record

But could our long national nightmare finally be over again?

The weather outside is frightful

Or at least it was a day or so ago. But I'm still without power, and the OG&E guy on the radio said it could be 7-10 days before everybody has theirs back, (apparently, the OKC and Tulsa areas have over 300,00 people down right now, which is some sort of state record) but as far as I can tell, I live in the only place in town without power, so maybe they'll hit my area soon, for the PR points of saying that all of Norman is back on. Eh, who knows. But for the time being, me, my cat, and my two fish are holed up at my brother's house, where we have to suffer such indignities as being forced to live with working heat, over a zillion TV channels on a TV as big as my car, and actually having enough room to turn 90 degrees without killing my shin on a retardedly-placed cinder block or dead computer from 2001.

But we'll make it somehow.

I actually managed to snap a few pictures of ICY DEVASTATION~! on my crappy little camera, but I didn't get very many, as three AAA batteries last approximately 45 seconds in that godforsaken thing. The sad part is that I wasn't really exaggerating much there. But as soon as I'm back in my fully-powered hovel again, I'll find the wire that connects the camera to the PC and throw some of those up, hopefully, in sooner than 7-10 days.

RANDOM SHIT: The Stages of Coping With a Scorpion Attack

BARGAINING:

"Please God, let this dead-ass scorpion not be yellowish, and I'll stop all that blasphemy I've been doing."

Read it all here.

MY ASS

IT HURTS~

Song of the Day, brought to you by Benadryl.

Scorpions - "Rock You Like a Hurricane"

Things are tough all over.

So yeah, about an hour or so ago, I was about to go to the store to get various food-type items, and it's in the upper 60s here, so I was kind of pumped that I'd get to wear shorts, instead of long pants. But you see, God didn't want me wearing shorts today. Because you see, God saw fit to put one of his many wondrous creatures in the shorts I had chosen to wear. And yeah.

I got stung in the ass by a fucking scorpion.

A quick consultation of the internet and an examination of the beast, who had been felled by a blow from the bottom of a plastic wastebasket, revealed that it wasn't the yellowish kind that'll kill you, (and I think you can actually find those in Oklahoma, so there was a decent amount of tension in the air when I went to compare the dead scorpion with the pictures I found) but even the reddish kind still hurts like hell. So here I am, with what's basically the bee sting to end all bee stings on my left cheek, concealed by an ice pack, because that's supposed to help break down the venom or whatever. In a little while, I shall go put on some different shorts (which will be shaken thoroughly beforehand) to go see if there's a non-drowsy form of Benadryl, not so much because I really need it as because I just found out that the bottle I already had expired in 2003.

Today's lesson is "fuck scorpions."