Ever notice...

Sometimes, I get bored and go to chatrooms. And in particular, I've noticed that heavy metal chatrooms are filled to capacity with dumbasses. No surprise there. But I've also noticed that these dumbasses will always do the same crap. Come in, yell something stupid, then start typing out song lyrics, like that's going to let us know they're truly cool, or something like that. And the lyrics are almost always either completely wrong, horribly misspelled, or both. And always in all capital letters. And it's always one of the same three or four bands: Metallica, Pantera, or occasionally Slipknot. Example:

Some dumbass: WISKY WEED AND METTALICA FUCK YEAH!!!!!!
Me: Aw hell.
Some dumbass: NEVER THREE NEVER ME SO I DONE THE UNFORGIVEN YEAH

And it's always the same, just like that. You never see one of these winners spitting out lyrics of someone like, say, Voivod:

Dumbass: NO ONE HERE NOWS REAL METAL! PASS THE WEED MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!
Me: Jesus, here we go again...
Dumbass: HERE YOU ARE, YOU'RE WITH ME, PROTECTING ALL MY CREW, I CARVED YOU FROM A TREE, MY VISION IS YOU
Me: Holy crap!

Yeah. I'm typing about weird crap. Maybe the fever is corrupting my brain or something.

And again

This morning, I woke up and all was well. My body didn't ache, I wasn't coughing, and my body temperature had lowered to a brisk 98.6 degrees. Then, when I got to work, my nose started running, which is something that it didn't do for the last couple days. So I blew my nose. And blew my nose. And blew my nose. And the pressure built in my sinuses. And everything started to hurt. And the world around me seemed to get colder and colder. I was sick in a way completely unrelated to how I was sick for the last couple days, and ended up going home an hour and a half early, which is something an iron-man like me would never do. Now, I'm back over the 101 degree mark and absolutely miserable. So, in an attempt to ease my misery, I strolled to the kitchen to get some ice cream. As I pulled it out of the freezer, it slipped, and in an ill-fated attempt to keep it off the floor, I ended up slamming the ice cream into my left ball at a high rate of speed.
The world can French-kiss my ass.

Song of the Goddamn Day.

Peggy Lee - "Fever"

Never know how much I love you, never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me, I get a fever that's so hard to bear
You give me fever - when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight
Fever - in the the morning, fever all through the night

Sun lights up the daytime, moon lights up the night
I light up when you call my name, and you know I'm gonna treat you right
You give me fever - when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight
Fever - in the the morning, fever all through the night
Everybody's got the fever, that is something you all know
Fever isn't such a new thing, fever started long ago

Romeo loved Juliet, Juliet she felt the same
When he put his arms around her, he said "Julie baby you're my flame"
Thou givest fever, when we kisseth, fever with thy flaming youth
Fever - I'm afire, fever yea I burn forsooth

Captain Smith and Pocahontas had a very mad affair
When her Daddy tried to kill him, she said "Daddy-O don't you dare"
Give me fever - with his kisses, fever when he holds me tight
Fever - I'm his Missus, Oh daddy won't you treat him right

Now you've listened to my story, here's the point I have made:
Chicks were born to give you fever, be it Fahrenheit or Centigrade
They give you fever - when you kiss them, fever if you live and learn
Fever - till you sizzle, what a lovely way to burn
What a lovely way to burn
What a lovely way to burn
------
Currently, my fever stands at 101.4 dregrees, and you can all kiss my ass.
EDIT: 102.4 now. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

HOLY CRAP

I just got my cat to eat a tortilla.

SONG OF THE DIZZLE

Voivod - "Wrong-Way Street"

I lost my key...Where is the door?
Am I living here anymore?
My souvenirs thrown on the floor
It's never been this bad before
I went outside to get a life
But everything was closed up tight
Why should I care? Why should I run?
Now that I'm home...my guitar's gone!

I'm taking it day by day
Life goes on...oh, yeah, life goes on...

Awake at night I look outside
A burning car in the dawning light
A sorry sight...another fight
A scenery in black and white
What can I do? What can I say?
It's a hard time in a hard place

I'm taking it day by day
Life goes on...oh, yeah, life goes on...

Don't ask me if I feel alright
I'm glad that I am here tonight
Don't ask me if it's wrong or right
Remember everything is fine
Remember...Forever

It's getting worse, most everyday
But has it always been this way?
This price I have to pay today
My goddamn house is in flames
A traffic jam...commercial breaks
And politicians' big disgrace
This planet earth...it's where I live
It's where I'll die, I do believe

I'm taking it day by day
Life goes on...oh, yeah, life goes on...

Later, dude.

"Tonight is my last night in WWE, I am going back home to Japan. Thank you WWE for 5 years, thank you WWE, thank you ECW, thank you fans, thank you goodbye."
On one hand, this sucks, because Tajiri never got used as well as he should have been, and on top of leaving the WWE, he might be leaving wrestling altogether. On the other hand, it is pretty refreshing to see a guy leave the business on his own terms and with his health and his life in general intact. Because as New Jack put it, "That's the fun part about it. You die, or you get old, and you're retarded, and you're broke," and that's apparently not going to be the case here.
Anyway, if you are retiring, thanks for entertaining me over the years by making Steve Corino bleed like a stuck pig and telling Booker T that he looked "like Buckwheat on crack."

Define Irony:

Having some of the juice from a cough drop that's melting in my mouth go down the wrong pipe, resulting in a coughing fit.

You know...

I'm watching the Dimebag Darrell tribute episode of Headbanger's Ball right now, and Zakk Wylde's Darrell tribute song, "In This River" (I think that's what it was called) just came on. And I know it's the thought that counts and all, but god damn, someone needs to tell Zakk Wylde to never sing a song in public, ever again. Jesus Christ, that was horrible.

Also, drunken calls from your mom at midnight where she rambles on for twenty minutes, mostly saying the same stuff over and over and telling me she wants grandchildren really, really suck.

Winter Wonderland. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Maybe I should go make some sort of slush-man.

Two days and counting

...that my server has been offline, aside from a couple hours earlier. I can't believe I just sent those shithoses thirty bucks.

Whee.

Apparently, my entire server is down, as has been for like a couple hours now. Right as I'm about to send them a check for 30 bucks, too.

UPDATE: Well, it's 4 hours later, and it's still gone. As is the website of my server. This isn't good.

The Gayest Thing I Saw Today.

A fat kid wearing a t-shirt that showed a "sassy" looking Garfield, with the text "There's No Pity in This Kitty."

Gammacide, bitches.

Bah.

Had to change the blog settings to no longer allow comments from non-registered people. Ten seconds after the last thing I put on here, I immediately got two emails telling me there were new posts, and both were spam. They find a way to annoyingly advertise anywhere nowadays. I'll wake up tomorrow, and "CoolHomeLoans.com" will be shaved into the side of my cat, probably. I wonder if coolhomeloans.com is a real website. I should register that URL and sell it for a ton of money, if it isn't.

Undertaker vs. Cowboy Bob Orton Jr.

Hell yeah.

Sargent D and the Song of the Day

Stormtroopers of Death - "Sargent 'D' and the S.O.D."

Ruthless and vicious he'll stomp on your face
Deadly, malicious, stay out of his space
He'll rip your eyes out, don't look the wrong way
And once you meet him, there's no time to pray
He'll rip your heart out, make you eat your own lips
Then crack your elbows, and crush fingertips
He'll make you wish that you didn't exist,
Cause Sargent "D" is coming, and you're on his list

Don't cut the line, cause he'll cut off your legs
Don't take your time or you'll spend time with the dead
Don't try to trick him, he'll fill you with lead
Don't beg for mercy, he'll piss on your head
He'll kill your sister, then mail back the tits
He'll beat you senseless, then break out the whips
He'll make you wish that you didn't exist,
Cause Sargent "D" is coming, and you're on his list

He'll put gas on your kids, then throw them a match
He'll back the car over grandma, then dissect her cat
With his Stormtroopers of Death, he'll come to your town
Their Uzi's rip through flesh, then it's time to chow down
Their cause is justified, their reason is clear
The word revenge is all that they hear
He'll make you wish that you didn't exist,
Cause Sargent "D" is coming, and you're on his list

Awesome (Hopefully)

I'm pretty sure I just got rid of $100-$150 a month (depending on how long the month is) in bills. Basically, I bought my car back on October 22, after the fuel pump in the Z died, and being too drained of cash from living with Sarah to fix it, and it got towed away, never to be seen again. I miss that car. Anyway, the original pprice of the car was $3000, but after we found out that my band wouldn't loan me anywhere near that, the guy I bought it from dropped it to $2500. So with $1300 from my bank, that goes down to 1200, but since we were originally told the loan would be for $1370, I had to drop another 70 right there, bringing it down to 1130. Ever since then, I've paid the guy fifty bucks every time I've gotten paid, and between the checks for October 21, 2004 and August 25, 2005, that's 23 payments at fifty bucks a pop, totalling $1150, or twenty bucks more than I owed him. Add to that the fact that there might have been a few other $20-ish payments in those first few days that I've forgotten about, and my glorious 1997 Nissan Sentra GXE is not only paid, but anywhere between $20 and $120 OVERpaid. Fuck it, I can live with that. We'll just call it interest. So outside of the 50-ish a month I'm paying the bank, my car is paid for, at least on the seller's end.
But here's where it gets complicated. Several months back, the dude met me at work and told me he was going out of town for a couple weeks, and that I could just leave the bi-weekly fifty with his lawyer every payday. Alright. So a couple weeks pass, and I never hear from the dude again. No phonecalls, no meeting with me at work, no answers when I try to call him, and either he hasn't answered his door or parked his truck where he lives in a long time, or someone else lives in his old apartment. So his whereabouts are a total mystery to me now. I should ask lawyer dude about it. Hmm. Anyway... What's worse is that the last time I saw him, he mentioned something about the cart costing $3000, so he had either forgotten that he dropped the price or was trying to fuck me. I mentioned that he dropped it to 2500, and he said we could figure that out later, and of course, I haven't seenn him since. Overall, though, it's no biggie, since if he does show up wanting another 500 bucks, I have a tag reciept and the bank has a photocopy of the old title saying the price was 2500, so it won't make it to court, and if it does, I'll win. So yeah. One of the two car payments is gone, and I've got an extra hundred to play with every month. Think I might buy some pants.

STAND BACK! THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH!

Fuck. Category 5, heading straight for a huge-ass city that's below sea level. If this thing is as bad as the news is making it sound, New Orleans might not exist by this time tomorrow. They're saying this one's stronger than Hurricane Camille was, and I think it's something like the fourth-strongest hurricane of all-time at the moment. Meanwhile, there's thousands and thousands of poor bastards piling into the Superdome, which might not make it through the storm anyway. The guy on the news just said something about how 50,000 people could die in this thing. This seriously could potentially be the most fucked-up piece of US history I've been alive for, and considering what went down a few years ago in New York, that's reeeeally fucked up. If you're anywhere near the coast right now, get the fuck out of there if it's still possible.

R.I.P. Piggy

I meant to put this up yesterday, but I got distracted by jobs and such. Anyway, in a major bummer for me, Voivod guitar player Denis "Piggy" D'Amour died Friday night from colon cancer. It was really a shock, as it was only about Wednesday or so that the general public knew he was sick at all, or that it was really that bad.
I honestly hadn't been a Voivod fan for very long; somehow, they just slipped under my radar until Jason Newsted curiousity led me to illegally download the 2003 self-titled album, which then led to actually me buying that album and hunting down the rest whenever I can find them. And sadly, one of the main things that made their music so cool was Piggy's work as a guitar player. He did really simple things, but made them sound so weird that you just knew there had to be more to it than that. In fact, according to Crisis Guitar player Azfaal Nasiruddeen, "I will never forget him laughing while telling me that whenever he saw VOIVOD guitar tablature in a magazine, it was always wrong. The authors could never figure out what Piggy was playing, so they always created these complex looking chordal structures. Piggy would laugh as he showed me how simple his actual approach was, and how his chords were created purely by sense of sound and feel as opposed to some technical nonsense." There aren't many unique guitar players out there, and it sucks that we had to lose one of those few. Rest in peace, best wishes to your family, etc. Later, dude.

Song of the Day

Randy Newman - "Political Science"

No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us

We'll save Australia
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo
We'll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin', too

Boom goes London and boom Paree
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono
And there'll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now