Today's learning odyssey

The finer points of making sizzurp, from the faqs.org community. Some of the finer points of wisdom contained within:

"I CAN TELL YOU BOYS AIN'T FROM H-TOWN, YA'LLAIN'T GOT NO IDEA WHAT YOUR TALKIN' BOUT. BOTTOM LINE: SYRUP---PROMETHYZINE W/ CODEINE POUR IT IN A SODA OF YOUR CHOICE AND SIP IT. THAT DXM SIPPIN AND ALL THAT IS FLAT OUT WRONG. YA'LLBE SENDIN' BOYS TO THE TOILET WIT' THAT SH*T... DON'T DO IT, GET THA' REAL DEAL... YOU COME TO THA' H WIT' NYQUIL, OR TUSSIN' YOU GONNA GET SLAPPED IN THA' HEAD REAL QUICK. JP"

"YO MUDA WACKAAS THI IS FIVE HW-E YA STILLA INT FIND ME THIS IS THE LAST CHANCE TO GET THE REAL DEAL DOAC_ONE ON DA HOUSE DIRTY SOUTH RYDAS THE ALBUM LISTEN TO THIS ALL YA LI L HOE ASS NI66A5 & MAY YA CAN GET SOME OF THE SOUTHSIDE INTOXICATION YA HEARD!! REAL DEAL REAL PEOPLE ITS THE DIRTY SOUTH"

"yall boyz wild it dont matta how much u pt as long as u can handle it but u betta eat b4 u sip or u gonna be throwin up purple yellow green red clear or orange it dont matta stay sippin 04"

"Yo mah jiggahs, y'all bust jaspy! Take it from a man who know the REAL sizzurp. Dr. P, Jolly Ree, Prometh/Codein, shaved ice -- if you gots a Snoopy Sno Cone, that make it jess right. Drank up you be leanin squareback! PREAKNESS YO!"

"Shiiiiit I drank syrup like water foooool"

And so on and so forth.

R.I.P. Free Cable TV

You were too beautiful for this world, free cable.

If I had known the Cox dude outside this morning was unhooking the stuff they were accidentally giving me for free, I would have stabbed him. Or like pushed him over or something.

Internet piracy saves the day again

Since I had to get a new computer (again) money's going to be tight for a while. (again) And my discovery that I've been getting free cable for no reason has also led to the discovery that there's still nothing on TV. (Although putting the History Channel and finding out all the whacky methods they used to kill Confederates and Hitler-dudes back in the day is okay sometimes.) So as a money-saving measure, I've forsaken the used DVD racks at Hastings and returned to the old ways of finding my entertainment in free and highly illegal ways. Ahh. Anyway, here's a brief rundown of the crap I've acquired lately:

Jurrassic Park Trilogy - All three movies, and I've never seen the third one, so it'll be a bonus, once I get around to watching it. But I think that's the one where they pretty much made up a new dinosaur to be badder than the T-Rex, so until further notice, fuck Jurrassic Park 3 preemptively. The Tyrannosaurus is king of animals, and even Spielberg cannot change that. I was willing to let the velociraptor thing slide, (the Hollywood version was more like a deinonychus [that's a different dinosaur, and I'm a nerd] crossed with some cyborg ninjas than a little piddly-ass velociraptor) but you don't besmirch Tyrannosaurs that way.

American Hardcore - Documentary someone made not too long about about the hardcore punk scene from the early 80s, back before "hardcore punk" meant "bad heavy metal played by short-haired dudes singing about unity." It was good enough to almost make me want to try to like Black Flag again, which says a lot. Highlights include the dude from TSOL casually mentioning being a grave-robber back in the day with no further explanation, that Moby dude talking about singing for this one band followed immediately by other band members saying it never happened, and the fact that Ian MacKaye somehow looks exactly the same as he did in 1982.

Heavy Metal Parking Lot - Short little documentary shot from the parking lot outside a Judas Priest concert back in the day, consisting of brief interviews with concert goers. It will make you ashamed to have ever listened to Judas Priest, any sort of heavy metal, or any other form of music made by man, but it's still hilarious. Oh, and you can watch it here.

GWAR - Phallus in Wonderland - 1992 movie by your favorite monster costume-clad shock rock band, GWAR. I haven't really watched it yet, but a quick skim through it seems to indicate that it's a bunch of music videos from the America Must Be Destroyed album, with interludes of goofy, retarded crap in between. And oh yeah, this was nominated for a Grammy and based (loosely, obviously) on a true story. Wow.

The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years - Another music-type documentary, this one being a sequel to another one that probably had a lot of the people from American Hardcore in it, now that I think about it. Anyway, haven't watched this yet either, but I'm pretty sure it's got a bunch of 80s glam rock bands in it, along with a bunch of Megadeth stuff. Should be okay.

An Evening With Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder - Man, the first one of these was hilarious, but much like pretty much everything else Kevin Smith is involved with (I'm still bitter about Clerks II) this blew really, really hard. Basically, it's like three hours of Kevin Smith answering questions about the first Evening With Kevin Smith DVD, occasionally interrupted by him still trying to convince people that his wife is as hot as he thinks she is. Also, despite the fact that all of this was filmed in the 21st century, half of it has Smith STILL sporting some sort of crew cut mullet haircut disaster.

The Bill Cosby Collection - The greatest thing I've ever found on the internet. Essentially a file folder with about TWENTY Bill Cosby albums in MP3 format. This alone is why they started the internet.