WAKKAWAKKAWAKKA

God damn you, trick or treaters

For heading over to the nicer neighborhoods instead of mine and forcing me to eat this bag of peanut butter cups.

THE CHICKEN IS NOT BURNING

IT IS NOT EVEN FULLY COOKED YET.

SO WHY IS MY OVEN BELCHING SMOKE.

also, how did my smoke alarm detect the smoke a good ten minutes before there was any actual smoke

also, it is cold, so opening the window sucks.

Daily Stupid

For dinner, I enjoyed a grilled tilapia fillet, seasoned with lemon pepper, garlic salt...

AND CARBON MONOXIDE.

Today's learning odyssey

The finer points of making sizzurp, from the faqs.org community. Some of the finer points of wisdom contained within:

"I CAN TELL YOU BOYS AIN'T FROM H-TOWN, YA'LLAIN'T GOT NO IDEA WHAT YOUR TALKIN' BOUT. BOTTOM LINE: SYRUP---PROMETHYZINE W/ CODEINE POUR IT IN A SODA OF YOUR CHOICE AND SIP IT. THAT DXM SIPPIN AND ALL THAT IS FLAT OUT WRONG. YA'LLBE SENDIN' BOYS TO THE TOILET WIT' THAT SH*T... DON'T DO IT, GET THA' REAL DEAL... YOU COME TO THA' H WIT' NYQUIL, OR TUSSIN' YOU GONNA GET SLAPPED IN THA' HEAD REAL QUICK. JP"

"YO MUDA WACKAAS THI IS FIVE HW-E YA STILLA INT FIND ME THIS IS THE LAST CHANCE TO GET THE REAL DEAL DOAC_ONE ON DA HOUSE DIRTY SOUTH RYDAS THE ALBUM LISTEN TO THIS ALL YA LI L HOE ASS NI66A5 & MAY YA CAN GET SOME OF THE SOUTHSIDE INTOXICATION YA HEARD!! REAL DEAL REAL PEOPLE ITS THE DIRTY SOUTH"

"yall boyz wild it dont matta how much u pt as long as u can handle it but u betta eat b4 u sip or u gonna be throwin up purple yellow green red clear or orange it dont matta stay sippin 04"

"Yo mah jiggahs, y'all bust jaspy! Take it from a man who know the REAL sizzurp. Dr. P, Jolly Ree, Prometh/Codein, shaved ice -- if you gots a Snoopy Sno Cone, that make it jess right. Drank up you be leanin squareback! PREAKNESS YO!"

"Shiiiiit I drank syrup like water foooool"

And so on and so forth.

I might be dying

Over the last month, I haven't gone to the gym, and I've been hella munching on ribs and pizzas and Taco Bells and junk and stuff, and somehow through all of this, I've lost like six pounds.

TAPEWORMS ARE EATING ME.

You know what I could go for? Some faggots, that's what.

"The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year."
Just read the article.

A fine day of purchasing.

Today, not only did buying two packs of football cards net me three Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart rookies with a total book value of $75, (have you been reading Cardboard Downfall lately?) but I bought some hamburger buns, and in addition to the eight buns regularly included, there was an extra half of a bun inside.

Today Was a Good Day

I found out I'm below 220 pounds for the first time since the 8th grade, ate a steak, watched Over the Top, and got a message board post replied to by Scott "Flash" Norton. Plus, nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A.

in lieu of hot chocolate

I am sipping hot tea like no other.

And oh man

This is the least-burnt bag of popcorn, ever.

Man, for right now at least

Diet Cherry 7Up is like the greatest thing, ever.

Also, fuck Rex Grossman.

IF YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE HAS HONEYCRISP APPLES

BUY THEM. OH MAN.

Thigns I think about at 1:58 AM

If you drank, and drank, and drank, until your liver got all screwed, and you got all yellow and jaundiced, would that mean that you couldn't be fucked with by the Green Lantern Corps?

I got that grape drink, y'all.

Shit is purple, son.

Oh yeah, also

I also went to the West Side Wal Mart and scored three $8.99 bags of frozen chicken breasts on sale for three bucks apiece. Basically, a buy one, get two free deal.

METAL UP YOUR ASS \m/