Things I just learned...

In freezing rain that turns the road into a sheet of ice, the average driver in Norman, Oklahoma still sees nothing wrong with not using a turn sugnal and/or pulling right out in front of other cars.
Also, when my anti-lock brakes lock up, my car skids hard to the right.

When I'm God, it will be illegal for stupid people to drive.

Heard Rick Rubin's Gonna Produce the New Metallica Album

Here you go, Rick. Good luck.

HAPPY VALENTIME'S DAY

Today at work

While trying to say the phrase "put 'em too far apart," it came out as "tut 'em poo tar afart."

I've decided...

That the weight control cat food that Nutro makes smells like iced tea.
I wish we still had the bag it came in, so I could look up what the ingredients are. Perhaps orange pekoe is among them. Or something.

With all that in mind, here's a Voivod video.

SONG OF THE JUDGEMENT DAY

Anal Cunt - "Your Band's in the Cut-Out Bin"

Your record cost $3.99
Your record cost $2.99
Your record cost $1.99
And then it gets returned

Your band's in the cut-out bin
Your band's in the cut-out bin
Your band's in the cut-out bin
Your band's in the cut-out bin

You're right next to Hall & Oates
You're Right next to the Commodores
You're right next to Cameo
And you're a fucking homo

Your band's in the cut-out bin
Your band's in the cut-out bin
Your band's in the cut-out bin
Your band's in the cut-out bin
Cut-out bin, cut-out bin, cut-out bin, cut-out bin

You're in the return line
They don't take back records under $3.99
Then you start to fucking whine
Buy a real album next time

For the record

I can't believe I just spent ten minutes writing haikus about Terminator 2, either.

Terminator 2: Haiku Judgement Day

Terminator 2
I've watched it thrice in two days
That can't be healthy

Advanced prototype
Total liquid robot guy
Have you seen this boy?

Hey, this bigass dude
Is my own Terminator
Just don't kill those guys

How's my dog Wolfie?
Oh, Wolfie's doing just fine
But parents are dead

Learning computer
A neural-net processor
Helps Arnold find keys

A crazy-ass bitch
There's no fate but what we make
Gonna kill Dyson

The Terminator
Goes apeshit with minigun
Cacualties? Zip.

Liquid nitrogen
T-1000 all froze up
Blown up like a bitch

I know why you cry
But it's something I can't do
Now, please melt my ass

Haiku Massacre

I'm not Charlie Brown
He's a guy from out of town.
I met him in jail.

Ding Dongs, yo. Ding Dongs
You ain't fat. You ain't nothin'.
Inflatable suit.

Enis, Terrell, Haynes.
Rashaan Salaam, Cade McNown.
Cedric Benson? Fuck.

Oh, knock him out, John.
Shoot up in here amongst us;
One must have relief.

This toilet paper
It reminds me of John Wayne
Rough, tough, takes no shit.

I'm the Boogeyman
And I'm comin' to getcha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.