DOES NOT COMPUTE

Stupid hard drive. Stupid Microsoft.

In other music news

I have decided that Mastodon ("Mastadon") has surpassed Metallica, ("Mettalica") Megadeth, ("Megadeath") Emperor, ("Emporer") and Cannibal Corpse ("Cannible Corps," among other spellings) as the current leader in highly-misspelled heavy metal bands.

This is happening like an hour or so away from my house, and it frightens me greatly

ROCKLAHOMA~!

A three (3) day festival, featuring the following:

Poison
Ratt
Vince Neil
Warrant
Slaughter
Quiet Riot
Winger
Dokken
Jackyl
Faster Pussycat
Enuff Z'Nuff
Steelheart
36 Inches
Y&T
Firehouse
Bulletboys
Bang Tango
Great White

On one hand, this is like the AIDS of music to me, but on the other, if I went, I could have the once-in-a-lifetime chance to throw things at members of Great White.

another stupid chicago bear post

Over at the Bears Official Website, they have this thing where this dude, Larry Mayer, answers questions from fans. In the latest edition, someone asks if the Bears are interested in signing David Carr, to which he replied

"David Carr wouldn’t be an upgrade over either Rex Grossman or Brian Griese, so I don’t see any way that the Bears would be interested in signing him."

Um. Here, let me break this down for you: Granted, Carr had a losing record last year, and the threw one more interception (11) than he did touchdowns (12), while Grossman won a bunch of games and threw three more touchdowns (23) than interceptions (20). But here's the thing that kind of skews those numbers: Rex Grossman played for what was an otherwise Super Bowl-caliber team in the NFC, where every other team sucks. And Carr played in the AFC. AND HE PLAYED FOR THE TEXANS. You could take a 25 year old Joe Montana, feed him steroids, and make him drink from the Holy Grail like they did in the one Indiana Jones movie, and he would STILL be able to do not a damn thing. He was sacked forty-one times to Sexy Rexie's 21, yet still managed to complete 68.3 percent of his passes to Rex's 54.6, and had an actual decent QB rating of 82.1, which was way better than Rex's 73.9. He also only accounted for 19 turnovers (12 picks, 7 lost fumbles) to Rex's 29. And the kicker? David Carr didn't single-handedly lose the Super Bowl last year. David Carr sucks because he's a good - possibly great - QB playing for a team stupid enough to draft Mario Williams last year, when they could have traded that pick to any of the 31 other teams who would have mortgaged their teams to have Reggie Bush, used the players/picks/first-born children they got in return to build an offensive line and win some games. Rex Grossman sucks because he just fucking sucks. The Texans sucked and dragged David Carr down with them. The Bears won a bunch of games, and they did it in spite of Rex Grossman.

I'm calling it right now. By this time next year, all the columnists and commentators will be applauding some team (probably the Vikings) for being smart enough to pick up a franchise QB like Carr, after he has a breakout year. Meanwhile, Rex Grossman will just be hoping to catch on somewhere as a backup, in a Joey Harrington/Patrick Ramsey "this is his last chance, seriously" situation. And the Bears will still need a starting QB, which is essentially something they've been looking for since Sid Freaking Luckman retired.

Also, they'll be looking to draft a running back, but that's a rant for another day. 2007 is going to be a looooong year.

I spend money sometimes.

Whenever a Bears player I like gets traded or signed by another team, (which is usually the case) I always start checking places like NFL Shop to see if that guy's jersey has gotten cheap yet. That's how I picked up $75 Anthony Thomas and Marcus Robinson jerseys for $20 apiece. Well, the bottom hasn't fallen out of Thomas Jones jerseys yet, but it has fallen out of Super Bowl XLI jerseys. So for about 50 bucks less than what it should have cost, I managed to pick up a reminder (in the incorrect color, no less) of the day the Bears sucked and the guy who got traded as his reward for not sucking. I love this game.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: FUCKING DEAD

Oh yeah, spoiler warning.

Heh.

Tremendous.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Officials detained an Iraqi man during a security scare at Los Angeles International airport on Tuesday but said a suspicious object found in a body cavity search did not pose a threat.

The man, identified by law enforcement officials as Fadhel al-Maliki, 35, was detained at passenger screening at the airport just before 6 a.m. on Tuesday morning.

The bomb squad was called as a precaution and authorities said they found wires in his clothing and a magnet inside a lower body cavity.

The man was preparing to board a US Airways flight to Philadelphia. The flight left without the passenger but with his luggage aboard. It made an unscheduled landing in Las Vegas where the plane was thoroughly searched but nothing was found.

So... A dude from the Middle East has suspicious looking wires on him and a magnet up his ass. Could be a terrorist; could just be a guy who really, reeeally loves magnets. But just to be on the safe side, you detain him. Okay, sounds like a solid plan. After all, the guy could have made a bomb with something... Something with other bomb parts... That were in his luggage... His luggage... That's still on the fucking plane.

There's a lesson to be learned here, and that lesson is that if you want to explode a bunch of people in L.A., just pop a random suspicious object up your poo-hole, and you won't have to actually be on the plane when your fat sack of bombs you smuggled on there goes off.

R.I.P. BAD NEWS BROWN

Man, God is taking the fucking boots to my childhood lately.

Here's a clip from back when wrestling didn't suck:

NOOOOOOO :(

Thomas Jones traded to the Jets

Lance Briggs demands to be traded, too

The hurting never stops.