So... Chris Benoit....

Sunday, he was supposed to wrestle CM Punk for the ECW title on pay per view and it was like the internet wrestling nerd's dream and all.
Today, he's a dead, child-killing murderer. So, uh... yeah.

aaaawesome

Even though he's got a season-ending injury and was given an injury settlement and stuff like that, J.D. Runnels cleared waivers, so he's still going to be a Chicago Bear.

How can this be?

Okay. For most of the last month, my knee was all screwed up. It still is, but just not as bad. This meant I couldn't go to the gym or do any physical activity that meant moving fast. Also, I was really broke. Like catastrophically broke, so my eating habits changed to whatever was cheap and/or on sale. So my diet consisted mainly of bologna and powder/pasta based food for the first time in a while. So I remained completely motionless for a month, while shoveling bullshit down my mouth. And yesterday, I finally make it back to the gym, and when I weighed myself, totally prepared for the horror... I had lost eight pounds.

What.

I still have a fish tank

Yet still only one fish. But you know those little $2 packs of plant bulbs you get at Wal Mart that never grow?
Well, mine did!

Kiss my ass, plastic plants! Ha! And here's a close-up of my amzingly still-not-dead rubber lipped plecostomus.


I really should come up with a name for him, but I never officially named my cat, so that would just seem backwards. I shouldn't have wasted Kellen Winslow III on that guppy, probably. And that little brown rock looking thing next to the fake jaguar skull is a lily bulb that started to sprout, but never finished. I should probably scoop that out of there, because if it ever starts growing for real, the tank'll be completely choked with greenery.

I think I'm going to start watching wrestling on a regular basis again

That was the most amazing thing ever in the history of television.

R.I.P. Big Ol' TV

Well, the ancient 25-inch Panasonic console TV I sort of inherited from my brother finally died last week, and I just interred it to its final resting place. It is survived by the 13-inch Magnavox that will take its place for the time being, as well as the 19-inch Sceptre LCD monitor I'll probably do most of my DVD watching on. Services were held at the dumpster out by the street, and in lieu of flowers, donations of new HDTVs can be made.

SONG OF THE D-DAY

Iron Maiden - "The Longest Day"

In the gloom the gathering storm abates
In the ships gimlet eyes await
The call to arms to hammer at the gates
To blow them wide throw evil to its fate

All summers long the drills to build the machine
To turn men from flesh and blood to steel
From paper soldiers to bodies on the beach
From summer sands to armageddon's reach

Overlord, your master not your god
The enemy coast dawning grey with scud
These wretched souls puking, shaking fear
To take a bullet for those who sent them here

The world's alight, the cliffs erupt in flame
No escape, remorseless shrapnel rains
Drowning men no chance for a warrior's fate
A choking death enter hell's gate

Sliding we go, only fear on our side
To the edge of the wire,
and we rush with the tide
Oh the water is red,
with the blood of the dead
But I'm still alive, pray to God I survive

How long on this longest day
'Til we finally make it through
How long on this longest day
'Til we finally make it through

The rising dead, faces bloated torn
They are relieved, the living wait their turn
Your number's up, the bullet's got your name
You still go on, to hell and back again

Valhalla waits, Valkyries rise and fall
The warrior tombs, lie open for us all
A ghostly hand reaches through the veil
Blood and sand, we will prevail

Sliding we go, only fear on our side
To the edge of the wire,
and we rush with the tide
Oh the water is red,
with the blood of the dead
But I'm still alive, pray to God I survive

How long on this longest day
'Til we finally make it through
How long on this longest day
'Til we finally make it through
(repeats)

Tales of finance

Here's how it worked out: In most months, I get paid twice, on every other Thursday. However, in May, the stars aligned for there to be an extra Thursday, and a third paycheck. That's good. But, like I always do, I forgot that you don't feel the effects of the third one until the next month, and did a bunch of stuff I should have held off on, screwed up really bad on the checkbook-balancing, and figured out that I'd have about nine dollars to last me until the fifteenth. That's bad. Very bad. HOWEVER, I just discovered a SECOND screw-up which revealed that about 24 dollars worth of bills had already been paid, meaning, the total was closer to thirty-three that I have. Also, I'm staring at a big plastic cup full of coins that I'm pretty sure is worth around $20 as soon as I find a CoinStar thingy. Tonight, I dine on food that didn't come in powdered form, motherfucker. Also, as a result of having to squeeze two checks worth of monthly bills onto one, this means I have hella breathing room next time I get paid, (nothing left but car insurance and a bizarrely small electric bill) which will actually be a check that's about $300 heavier than usual, thanks to holidays and quarterly bonuses. Sometimes, things work out nicely.