Later, dude.

"Tonight is my last night in WWE, I am going back home to Japan. Thank you WWE for 5 years, thank you WWE, thank you ECW, thank you fans, thank you goodbye."
On one hand, this sucks, because Tajiri never got used as well as he should have been, and on top of leaving the WWE, he might be leaving wrestling altogether. On the other hand, it is pretty refreshing to see a guy leave the business on his own terms and with his health and his life in general intact. Because as New Jack put it, "That's the fun part about it. You die, or you get old, and you're retarded, and you're broke," and that's apparently not going to be the case here.
Anyway, if you are retiring, thanks for entertaining me over the years by making Steve Corino bleed like a stuck pig and telling Booker T that he looked "like Buckwheat on crack."

Define Irony:

Having some of the juice from a cough drop that's melting in my mouth go down the wrong pipe, resulting in a coughing fit.

You know...

I'm watching the Dimebag Darrell tribute episode of Headbanger's Ball right now, and Zakk Wylde's Darrell tribute song, "In This River" (I think that's what it was called) just came on. And I know it's the thought that counts and all, but god damn, someone needs to tell Zakk Wylde to never sing a song in public, ever again. Jesus Christ, that was horrible.

Also, drunken calls from your mom at midnight where she rambles on for twenty minutes, mostly saying the same stuff over and over and telling me she wants grandchildren really, really suck.

Winter Wonderland. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Maybe I should go make some sort of slush-man.

Two days and counting

...that my server has been offline, aside from a couple hours earlier. I can't believe I just sent those shithoses thirty bucks.

Whee.

Apparently, my entire server is down, as has been for like a couple hours now. Right as I'm about to send them a check for 30 bucks, too.

UPDATE: Well, it's 4 hours later, and it's still gone. As is the website of my server. This isn't good.

The Gayest Thing I Saw Today.

A fat kid wearing a t-shirt that showed a "sassy" looking Garfield, with the text "There's No Pity in This Kitty."

Gammacide, bitches.

Bah.

Had to change the blog settings to no longer allow comments from non-registered people. Ten seconds after the last thing I put on here, I immediately got two emails telling me there were new posts, and both were spam. They find a way to annoyingly advertise anywhere nowadays. I'll wake up tomorrow, and "CoolHomeLoans.com" will be shaved into the side of my cat, probably. I wonder if coolhomeloans.com is a real website. I should register that URL and sell it for a ton of money, if it isn't.

Undertaker vs. Cowboy Bob Orton Jr.

Hell yeah.

Sargent D and the Song of the Day

Stormtroopers of Death - "Sargent 'D' and the S.O.D."

Ruthless and vicious he'll stomp on your face
Deadly, malicious, stay out of his space
He'll rip your eyes out, don't look the wrong way
And once you meet him, there's no time to pray
He'll rip your heart out, make you eat your own lips
Then crack your elbows, and crush fingertips
He'll make you wish that you didn't exist,
Cause Sargent "D" is coming, and you're on his list

Don't cut the line, cause he'll cut off your legs
Don't take your time or you'll spend time with the dead
Don't try to trick him, he'll fill you with lead
Don't beg for mercy, he'll piss on your head
He'll kill your sister, then mail back the tits
He'll beat you senseless, then break out the whips
He'll make you wish that you didn't exist,
Cause Sargent "D" is coming, and you're on his list

He'll put gas on your kids, then throw them a match
He'll back the car over grandma, then dissect her cat
With his Stormtroopers of Death, he'll come to your town
Their Uzi's rip through flesh, then it's time to chow down
Their cause is justified, their reason is clear
The word revenge is all that they hear
He'll make you wish that you didn't exist,
Cause Sargent "D" is coming, and you're on his list

Awesome (Hopefully)

I'm pretty sure I just got rid of $100-$150 a month (depending on how long the month is) in bills. Basically, I bought my car back on October 22, after the fuel pump in the Z died, and being too drained of cash from living with Sarah to fix it, and it got towed away, never to be seen again. I miss that car. Anyway, the original pprice of the car was $3000, but after we found out that my band wouldn't loan me anywhere near that, the guy I bought it from dropped it to $2500. So with $1300 from my bank, that goes down to 1200, but since we were originally told the loan would be for $1370, I had to drop another 70 right there, bringing it down to 1130. Ever since then, I've paid the guy fifty bucks every time I've gotten paid, and between the checks for October 21, 2004 and August 25, 2005, that's 23 payments at fifty bucks a pop, totalling $1150, or twenty bucks more than I owed him. Add to that the fact that there might have been a few other $20-ish payments in those first few days that I've forgotten about, and my glorious 1997 Nissan Sentra GXE is not only paid, but anywhere between $20 and $120 OVERpaid. Fuck it, I can live with that. We'll just call it interest. So outside of the 50-ish a month I'm paying the bank, my car is paid for, at least on the seller's end.
But here's where it gets complicated. Several months back, the dude met me at work and told me he was going out of town for a couple weeks, and that I could just leave the bi-weekly fifty with his lawyer every payday. Alright. So a couple weeks pass, and I never hear from the dude again. No phonecalls, no meeting with me at work, no answers when I try to call him, and either he hasn't answered his door or parked his truck where he lives in a long time, or someone else lives in his old apartment. So his whereabouts are a total mystery to me now. I should ask lawyer dude about it. Hmm. Anyway... What's worse is that the last time I saw him, he mentioned something about the cart costing $3000, so he had either forgotten that he dropped the price or was trying to fuck me. I mentioned that he dropped it to 2500, and he said we could figure that out later, and of course, I haven't seenn him since. Overall, though, it's no biggie, since if he does show up wanting another 500 bucks, I have a tag reciept and the bank has a photocopy of the old title saying the price was 2500, so it won't make it to court, and if it does, I'll win. So yeah. One of the two car payments is gone, and I've got an extra hundred to play with every month. Think I might buy some pants.

STAND BACK! THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH!

Fuck. Category 5, heading straight for a huge-ass city that's below sea level. If this thing is as bad as the news is making it sound, New Orleans might not exist by this time tomorrow. They're saying this one's stronger than Hurricane Camille was, and I think it's something like the fourth-strongest hurricane of all-time at the moment. Meanwhile, there's thousands and thousands of poor bastards piling into the Superdome, which might not make it through the storm anyway. The guy on the news just said something about how 50,000 people could die in this thing. This seriously could potentially be the most fucked-up piece of US history I've been alive for, and considering what went down a few years ago in New York, that's reeeeally fucked up. If you're anywhere near the coast right now, get the fuck out of there if it's still possible.

R.I.P. Piggy

I meant to put this up yesterday, but I got distracted by jobs and such. Anyway, in a major bummer for me, Voivod guitar player Denis "Piggy" D'Amour died Friday night from colon cancer. It was really a shock, as it was only about Wednesday or so that the general public knew he was sick at all, or that it was really that bad.
I honestly hadn't been a Voivod fan for very long; somehow, they just slipped under my radar until Jason Newsted curiousity led me to illegally download the 2003 self-titled album, which then led to actually me buying that album and hunting down the rest whenever I can find them. And sadly, one of the main things that made their music so cool was Piggy's work as a guitar player. He did really simple things, but made them sound so weird that you just knew there had to be more to it than that. In fact, according to Crisis Guitar player Azfaal Nasiruddeen, "I will never forget him laughing while telling me that whenever he saw VOIVOD guitar tablature in a magazine, it was always wrong. The authors could never figure out what Piggy was playing, so they always created these complex looking chordal structures. Piggy would laugh as he showed me how simple his actual approach was, and how his chords were created purely by sense of sound and feel as opposed to some technical nonsense." There aren't many unique guitar players out there, and it sucks that we had to lose one of those few. Rest in peace, best wishes to your family, etc. Later, dude.

Song of the Day

Randy Newman - "Political Science"

No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us

We'll save Australia
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo
We'll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin', too

Boom goes London and boom Paree
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono
And there'll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now

SONG OF THE DAY

Accept - "Balls to the Wall"

Too many slaves in this world
Die by torture and pain
Too many people do not see
They're killing themselves - going insane
Too many people do not know
Bondage is over the human race
They believe slaves always lose
And this fear keeps them down

Watch the damned (God bless ya)
They're gonna break their chains (Hey)
No, you can't stop them (God bless ya)
They're coming to get you
And then you'll get your
Balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall
You'll get your balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall - balls to the wall

You may screw their brains
You may sacrifice them, too
You may mortify their flesh
You may rape them all
One day the tortured stand up
And revolt against the evil
They make you drink your blood
And tear yourself to pieces

You better watch the damned (God bless ya)
They're gonna break their chains (Hey)
No, you can't stop them (God bless ya)
They're coming to get you
And then you'll get your
Balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall
You'll get your balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall - balls to the wall

Come on man, let's stand up all over the world
Let's plug a bomb in everyone's arse
If they don't keep us alive - we're gonna fight for the right
Build a wall with the bodies of the dead - and you're saved
Make the world scared - come on, show me the sign of victory
Sign of victory - sign of victory

You better watch the damned (God bless ya)
They're gonna break their chains (Hey)
No, you can't stop them (God bless ya)
They're coming to get you
And then you'll get your
Balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall

Song of the (Birth)Day

Yup. I'm 25 now. Wheee.

Vaginal Discharge - Happy Fuckin' Birthday

Well, another fuckin' year has come and gone
So grab your fuckin' party hat and put that fucker on
We're gonna drink a lot of fuckin' beer and smoke a lot of fuckin' pot
And if you're s'posed to work tomorrow, better call and tell 'em to fuck off
Happy fuckin' birthday to you
All your fuckin' friends are here and your fuckin' family, too
Hope you get some fuckin' action, fuckin' drink until you spew
Happy fuckin' birthday to you
Well, we're gonna go out and hit every fuckin' bar
All the drinks are on the house, yeah, you're the fuckin' star
Get all fuckin' drunk and rowdy, gonna turn some fuckin' heads
Gonna party down so fuckin' hard, we;'re gonna tear this town to fuckin' shreds
Happy fuckin' birthday to you
All your fuckin' friends are here and your fuckin' family, too
Hope you get some fuckin' action, fuckin' drink until you spew
Happy fuckin' birthday to you
I said Happy fuckin' birthday to you

Some People Shouldn't be Allowed to Breed

Here's a real winner for you. Not only was the bitch drinking during her pregnancy, but she was drunk WHILE SHE GAVE BIRTH.

Melissa Irene Tanner, 37, of Dewey, Okla., is accused of having a blood alcohol content close to three times the legal limit when she gave birth to a baby girl on June 30. She is being held in jail with bail set at $30,000 and the baby has been placed in foster care.

And why was she in the hospital at the time she had the kid?

Tanner was brought to the hospital after falling off her porch, police said.

Oh, gee. It's times like this that you just want to grab two hammers, one for each hand, and just go out smashing people with them. They fucking need it. Here's another link to the story with a picture of the woman involved. Yeah, I'd have to say liquor was involved somehow in her getting pregnant. Call it a hunch.

SONG OF THE DAY~!

Sick of it All - "Potential for a Fall"

Here's another tale, a replay of society's failures
Out for ourselves, bred to consume in pursuit of wealth
And the ones in charge, once secure show disregard
For future generations who must endure what's left behind

No compassion, no caution, no forethought
Potential for a fall
No forethought, no vision, no future
Potential for a fall
Go about our lives as we turn a blind eye
As long as i get mine
Potential for a fall
Submissive, complacent, sit back and let it slip away
just can't seem to hold it together

And yet we continue with the charade of being individuals
as we get spoon-fed, kept in check by the latest trends
Are we that shallow? Is getting your groove on all that matters?
I'm not asking you to bleed, but show consideration please

No compassion, no caution, no forethought
Potential for a fall
No forethought, no vision, no future
Potential for a fall
Go about our lives as we turn a blind eye
As long as i get mine
Potential for a fall
Submissive, complacent, sit back and let it slip away

Sit back and let it slip away
We can't seem to hold it together
We can't seem to get it right

Your Wrestling Bummer of the Day

Shinya Hashimoto, Japanese wrestling legend, dead at the age of 40.
There aren't many details right now, but it looks like a brain anyeurism got him. And with the way they the Japanese guys dropped each other on their heads so much in the 90s, you have to get scared that news like this might become common pretty soon.
It'll suck not being able to watch him disco dance with Naoya Ogawa or kick the living shit out everyone in New Japan anymore. Bummer.

SONG O' THE DAY

Arlo Guthrie - "The Motorcycle Song"

I don't want a pickle
I just want to ride my motorcycle.
I don't want a tickle
I just dant to ride my motorcycle.
I don't want to die
I just want to ride my motorcy... cle.

HEY, KID

I'M A COMPUTER. STOP ALL DA DOWNLOADIN'.

I'm back, motherfuckers.

As if it couldn't get any worse...

Now, I find out that the detainees at Guantanamo Bay are eating better than I ever have. (Requires Acrobat Reader)

Well...

Went ahead and bit the bullet, and there should be a brand-new Dell on my doorstep (or at the post office; I don't know how they send these things) by Monday-ish. So yeah. Between the $273 hit I take Thursday when I pay my brother for all the various moving expenses, the 150 a month in various car payments, 60 or so for car insurance, 50 for cable/internet, whatever the hell rent is, electricty, needing to get my cat spayed, needing to get a phone, and whatever expenses are going to pop up when it's least convenient, adding that extra monthly PC payment is going to cripple my ass. I should still be able to pay all my bills, but I'll have to stay away from the $5.50 DVD bin and become reacquainted with the joys of ramen noodles and Ghetto Helper (add tuna or $1-a-tube ground turkey to Great Value brand macaroni and cheese - Total cost, about 80 cents for the tuna version and $1.33 for turkey.) for quite a while. In case an old roommate of mine ever stumbles across this page, I'd just like to point out that that's what you do when you wanna buy expensive shit: You make sure all bills can be paid and do without in other areas. You don't let rent go for 4 months so you can buy a computer that's about $1000 out of your price range, you stupid faux-lesbian moron. You know, if that woman ever paid me the money she owed me, it would knock out roughly half the cost of that damn computer. I'm not bitter. No, really. Anyway, to kill time, I'll probably go hammer out some sort of website update on my computer (the one that can't get on the internet) save it on a CD-R, and hopefully, you fuckwits can have something to read whenever the new stuff comes in. And I need to remember to pay the cable bill tomorrow. Crap.

Yup.

Crap screwed up. No internet access on my computer again. Getting a new computer is looking reeeeal good about right now.

ARGH.

Well, more computer shenanigans are afoot, and I had to reformat again. Right now, I'm looking for anyone crazy enough to give me a line of credit, since I can't afford a new computer all at once. I'm sick and fucking tired of this infernal device. Also, I have my FTP password now, but whatever is grievously wrong with my computer makes damn near any downloaded program installer corrupt, and it won't let me get in through the browser, so I still can't update the website. Life is hard. At least I have Burnout 3.

Fifty-third Time's a Charm

Ran the destructive recovery thing gain, and this time, it finally tok, so I have a working computer again. Ahhhhhhhh. Now, the problem is that last night I had to spend hours uninstalling all that crap HP inflicted on my computer, reinstalling the sound card, the CD burner, the USB 2.0 card, and several of the programs I actually use. I still need to hunt down a bunch of other programs, including a very legal copy of Dreamweaver, reinstall the DVD burner, and reinstal that damn TV tuner card that didn't come with XP drivers, so I have to hunt them down on the internet somewhere. THEN, there's the 4 years or so worth of Windows updates. Wheeeeeeeeee. Also, I lost my password to update the website. Fuck.

More FUN.

Welp, the System Restore thingy didn;t work, possibly because of the recovery partition getting fudged up when the power went out. After a chain of events that's had me reformat and run that damn thing like ten times now, I finally got it to work, and got Windows to start running. Then, while uninstalling some of the many useless programs the fine folks at Hewlett-Packard provided, I get prompted to restart. What happens then?

Windows could not start because the following file is missing or corrupt
\WINDOWS\SYSTEM32\CONFIG\SYSTEM

FCUKFUCKFUCK. The exact same thing as before. So I'm going to try again, and if it doesn't work, I'll just do what I should have done and hunted down someone with an XP disk, so I can copy their System files. God damn, I hate computers so much.

Fun Update

Decided to go ahead and do the HP non-destructive system restore, which would only leave me with about 30 minutes of reinstalling hardware and a couple hours of Windows Updates between me and a fully-functional computer, without getting rid of all my files and crap. (at least I hope it doesn't kill all my files and crap. Even if it kills my programs, it;'s suppoised to at least keep "My Documents", one would think) So anyway, that takes like 30 minutes to do, and about 28 minutes in, the power goes out, so I have to do that all again. Fudge.

So on that note, here's your SONG OF THE DAY:

Anal Cunt - "Technology's Gay"

How many megs of ram do you have on your computer?
TECHNOLOGY'S GAY
Hey, why don't you check out my website at www dot -
TECHNOLOGY'S GAY
I was looking at the Star Trek Website, and I -
TECHNOLOGY'S GAY
Let me fax you my e-mail address
TECHNOLOGY'S GAY

Fun.

Well, had some fun goings-on with my computer, and it now tells me my WINDOWS/BLAH/SYSTEM directory is either missing or corrupt, and I need the XP disk to run setup and fix my crap. Problem is, I don't have that disk. Fart. So I'm computerless until we can hunt one down or I get impatient enough to run that HP system restore thing again. Life sucks.
Also, we're supposed to have the Storm of the Century of the Day here soon, with up to 90 mph winds supposedly, so the power's gonna go out anyway.

WHEEEEE~!

So since there won't be any real updates to the main site any time soon, I'll just entertain you folks with this little thing I meant to link to the main page soon: THIS IS WHERE THE POWER LIES.

Current Status

Trying to get motivated to box up stuff and load up the car, lamenting the fact that all available recordings of Bill Cosby, George Carlin, and Jerry Clower are in a box somewhere at the other apartment, and making the five-minute drive over there to grab one would be counter-productive. Life is hard. Maybe that Richard Pryor tape is still here.

The Cuervo Gold. The Fine Columbian. The Missile Defense Strategy.

Here's a weird one for you. Apparently, Jeff "Skunk" Baxter, formerly of Steely Dan and Moody Blues fame, is now some sort of anti-terrorism / missile-defense superfreak.

"We thought turntables were for playing records until rappers began to use them as instruments, and we thought airplanes were for carrying passengers until terrorists realized they could be used as missiles," says Mr. Baxter, who sports a ponytail and handlebar mustache. "My big thing is to look at existing technologies and try to see other ways they can be used, which happens in music all the time and happens to be what terrorists are incredibly good at."

Someday, I'm going to write an action movie. Maybe not any time soon, but someday. And someone like this is either going to be the hero or the villain. Holy crap.

Good news, bad news.

The good: I'm moving out of this shithole soon.
The bad: That means I'll be without internet, cable, phone, and other fineries for a while, and until then, I'm still in a stinky pit where there's no hot water and the bedroom can also double as a swimming pool.

Song of the Day

Blood for Blood - "Hangin' on the Corner"

Oh my sweet, sweet Jesus Christ
Another Saturday night
And I'm hangin once again
on my private little corner of hell
Little Mikey C. Just O.D'd
In the alley just a block away
Him and my little brother used to play
I watched the ambulance take him away
His mom's gonna take it hard
cause his dad just got locked away
for 3 ta 5
For a deal he felt he had to make
for his family to survive

I know the world can be so cold
I know the world is so cold

(I been) Hangin' on the corner
Hey hey hey !
I got nothing to do
And I got nothing to lose
Hangin, hangin' on the corner
Wasting away.
Another wasted night
Another bottle of booze, Alright!

And I know that no one cares:
I can see it in your empty stares
when I tell you these tales of woe
I tell you these tales of woe
because we really care.

I know the world can be so cold
I know the world is so cold

Hangin' on the corner
Hey hey hey !
I got nothing to do
And I got nothing to lose
Hangin, hangin' on the corner
Wasting away.
Another wasted night
Another bottle of booze, Alright!

Down past Hayes Square
is where the wealthy dine
where they laugh and drink fine wine
Well, two blocks over
is where the Sergeant died
in a hall of fire ( here we go ! )
on a warm summer's night
All you forgotten in the projects
I hear Ya'.
All you numbers in the cell block:
We care.
All you sweatin' in the detox:
We care.
To all you hoods that are dodgin' cops:
We care.
And to all you bleeding
from a broken heart
You know you've got a brother here.

Hangin' on the corner
Hey hey hey !
I got nothing to do
And I got nothing to lose
Hangin, hangin' on the corner
Wasting away.
Another wasted night
Another bottle of booze, Alright!

Hangin' in the corner.
Hey hey hey !
I got nothing to lose and I got nothing
ro prove to you.
Hangin', hangin on the corner, wasting away.
I pray my luck will change one day.
Some day.

Random quote from yesterday

"Don't blow it out your butt, or it'll burn."

Another one down.

1972-2005

Well, if this isn't just an absolute fucking bummer, nothing is. First, the guy's a big time star wrestler with the WWF, ECW, and WCW, then the drugs every wrestler on Earth was on at he time finally caught up with him, (and his wife) and he pretty much hit rock bottom. Then, things finally start going right for the guy. Chris and Tammy get clean, Chris catches on with TNA, starts doing good, and it's the total fairytale comeback story. Then, at the pay per view this weekend, he breaks his fucking leg. Well, okay, minor setback, right? He gets surgery to fix everything, and does the whole wheelchair-bound manager thing at the Tv tapings Tuesday, and everything's cool. Then, a few hours ago, the guy just dropped dead. Apparently, it was a blood clot from the surgery.
33 years old. The world pisses me off sometimes.

Yeah.

Call me crazy, but I don't feel very confident in a financial institution that also apparently makes pizza.

Finally...

I swear, I think that I had Iron Maiden's "The Prisoner" stuck in my head for like two friggin' weeks. But finally, FINALLY, I've managed to get something else stuck in there. I mean, it's a good song and all, but there's only so much you can take of something stuck in your head like that. It's like you're fucking trapped. Like I was a prisoner of "The Prisoner", or something. But now everything's cool. Because now, I'm not a prisoner; I'm a free man, and my blood is m- FUCK.

Sam Mills

1959-2005

SON OF SONG O THE DAY

Joe Esposito - "You're the Best"

Try to be best
‘Cause you’re only a man
And a man’s gotta learn to take it

Try to believe
Though the going gets rough
That you gotta hang tough to make it

History repeats itself
Try and you’ll succeed

Never doubt that you’re the one
And you can have your dreams!

You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own

Fight ‘til the end
Cause your life will depend
On the strength that you have inside you

Ah you gotta be proud
starin’ out in the cloud
When the odds in the game defy you

Try your best to win them all
and one day time will tell
when you’re the one that’s standing there
you’ll reach the final bell!

You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ho-how-ho-own

INSPIRING GUITAR SOLO

You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own

Fight ‘til you drop
never stop
can’t give up
Til you reach the top (FIGHT!)
you’re the best in town (FIGHT!)
Listen to that sound
A little bit of all you got
Can never bring you down

You’re the best!
Around!
Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down
You’re the Best!
Around!

repeat to fade, occasional background shouts of “Oh Ye-eah!”

Mitch Hedberg

(1968-2005)

I'm tired of following my dreams, so I'm just gonna ask 'em where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

1997 Nissan Sentra GXE Blues

On the old 280Z I had, you could change the oil in like five minutes. Everything was clearly seen and easily reached. Of course, it's catastrophic engine problems meant oil changes were bi-weekly, but I try not to think about things like that when Iget all nostalgic. So anyway, it's tune-up time for the 20-years-newer Sentra, and things aren't going as smoothly. I just discovered that the oil filter of my new(ish) car is located somewhere that would be somewhat difficult to reach if I had one of those professional hoist thingies they raise the whole car with. Needless to say, it will be an adventure to change with a plain ol' jack. Stupid sideways engines. Also, I've apparently lost my filter wrench, and the oil pan I spent eight bucks on yesterday (when I probably could have just borrowed one from my brother) has a hole in it. It's propped up on a crappy old towel, so the oil runs toward the unholy side. Oh yeah, I didn't mention that I figured this all out AFTER I drained all the oil out of my car. So I can't go exchange the pan or get a wrench or anything like that.

From now on, I'm paying other people to change my fucking oil.

And oh yeah, I need to buy a new, smaller spark plug socket.

Inspirational Song o' the Day

Michael McDonald - "The Eyes of a Child"

The Eyes of a Child, so innocent and pure
A Child's heart is full of song
Take their tiny hands,
And lead them to the light
As Adults we see the pain in the world,
And sometimes it don't seem right.

But through the Eyes of a Child
The World seems magical
There's a sparkle in their eyes,
They've yet to realise,
The darkness in their soul.

..the Beauty of their smile
Adventurous and wild.
Life is kinda gay,
but it doesn't seem that way,
Through the Eyes of a Child.

So, don't give up
Even when the road seems long
Just find that child inside you
You've got to find you.
Spread your wings and fly, to the brightest star
If ya want, I can even get my friend Steve to detail your car
for about twenty bucks.

Through the Eyes of a Child
The World seems magical
There's a sparkle in their eyes,
They've yet to realise,
The darkness in their soul.

The Beauty of their smile,
Adventurous and wild.
Sure, life is kinda gay,
but it doesn't seem that way,
Through the Eyes of a Child.

Got an eye on my hand!
I've got an eye on my hand!
I've got an eye on my hand!
But still i cant find you!
An eye on my hand!
Where have you gone girl?
An eye on my hand!
I'm coming up behind you.
Eye on my hand!
Don't turn around now,
Cause I'm right there,
I'm coming up behind you!

Through the Eyes of a Child
The World seems magical
There's a sparkle in their eyes,
We've yet to realise,
The bastards they really are!

The Beauty of their smile,
Adventurous and wild.
Sure, life is kinda gay,
But it doesn't seem that way,
Through the Eyes of a Child.
Sure, life is kinda gay,
but it doesn't seem that way,
Through the Eyes of a Child.

I'd just like to say...

...To everyone who's hopped on this new trendy hairstyle of combing your hair straight forward or down, to intentionally make yourself look stupid, your haircut is bad, and you should feel bad. Thank you.

Hot blooded, check it and see

I got a fever of 101.4. Fucking A. I hate you all, and want to punch you in the lungs, so you too can feel what it's like to not be able to breathe. Jerks.

SONG OF THE DAY: RELOADED

Turbonegro - "A Dazzling Display of Talent"

Oh my what a dazzling display
Oh my what a dazzling display
Of talent that's what they say
Would you believe it
My goodness HEY

Take a look around
I'm so impressed
Of everything they do
Do it again and again alright
I can't believe my eyes
It's unbelievable
In the middle of the show
They make the fluids flow
Take it away

Du geile Sau

Oh my what a dazzling display
Oh my what a dazzling display
Of assholes that's what I say
Would you believe it
My goodness HEY

Look around
Oh so impressed
Of all the things they do
Do it again and again alright
I can't believe my eyes
It's unbelievable
Give me what I know
Make the fluids flow
That's what I know
Come on, let's go
And make the fluids flow

Can you smell it ?
It's stinking yellow

Oi Oi Oi

I'm so impressed ... TALENT!

CASH MONEY

Got my Oklahoma state income tax rebate back today. Look at it and weep, bitches:

Yeah, that four whole dollars, you poor bastards. American dollars. I am now officially Rick James, bitch.

THIS STUFF'S MADE IN NEW YORK CITY!

NEW YORK CITY!?

SIZZLE OF THE DIZZLE (song of the day, whitey)

Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles - "Masturbating for a Brighter Tomorrow"

What do you do if you want to prevent a rape?
You go down to the store, you rent yourself a porno tape
What do you do if you want to prevent AIDS?
You whack upon your dick, you smack upon your ding-a-long
Till it needs Band-Aids

And you'll be masturbating for a brighter tomorrow
and it will free the world from disease and sorrow
as long as you've got your dick in your hand
you've got your best friend (oh oh)
And you'll always know who will be there in the end

What do you do if you want to stop HIV?
You leave the whore at the bar, and whack your way to safety
And what do you do, if you don't want to knock that ho up?
(C'mon you guys, i know you know this one)
And how do you keep from waking up
Next to some ugly slut?

And you'll be masturbating for a brighter tomorrow
and it will free the world from disease and sorrow
as long as you've got your dick in your hand
you've got your best friend (oh oh)
And you'll always know who will be there in the end

I sit eating tacos some times
Thinking it all might end (oh no)
As long as you've got your gland in your hand
You've got your best friend

Back on Track

Slowly but surely, things are getting back to some version of normal. After four months of non-payment while I was living with hell-roommate, I finally had enough excess dough to pay $160-something in past-due student loans. And after Thursday, I can plop down the same amount and finally get caught up. So instead of blowing all my money supporting a burned-out fake lesbian, now, I'm blowing all my money paying for a year at Ole Miss in 1998, where I learned absolutely nothing that I can recall at this time.

Good times.

THY INFERNAL SONG OF THE DAY

Jerry Reed - "Amos Moses"

Well Amos Moses was a Cajun,
He lived by himself in the swamp.
He hunted alligators for a livin,
He just knocked 'em in the head with a stump.
The Louisiana law gonna get ya Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligators down in the swamp, boy

Well everybody blames his old man,
For makin' him mean as a snake,
When Amos Moses was a boy
His daddy would use him for alligator bait.
Tie a rope around his neck, and throw him in the swamp,
Alligator bit him in a Louisiana bayou

About 45 minutes southeast of Thibodeaux, Louisiana
Lived a man named Doc Milsap and his pretty wife Hanna
They raised up a son who could eat up his weight in groceries,
Named him after a man of the cloth,
Called him Amos Moses

Well, the folks around south Louisiana
Said Amos was a hell of a man
He could trap the biggest, the meanest alligator
And just use one hand
That's all he's got left cause an alligator bit him
Left arm gone clean up to the elbow

Well the sheriff caught wind that Amos
Was in the swamp huntin' alligator skins
So he snuck in the swamp, gonna getcha boy,
But he never come out again.
Well, I wonder where the Louisiana sheriff went to?
You can sure get lost in a Louisiana bayou!

About 45 minutes southeast of Thibodeaux, Louisiana
Lived a man named Doc Milsap and his pretty wife Hanna
They raised a son who could eat up his weight in groceries,
Named him after a man of the cloth,
Called him Amos Moses

SIZZONG OF THE DIZZAY

Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
A man is born, he's a man of means.
Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.

But they got, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story
Everybody finds a way to shine,
It don't matter that you got not alot
So what,
They'll have theirs, and you'll have yours, and I'll have mine.
And together we'll be fine....

Because it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.
Yes it does.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.

"No, seriously, that's me."

Here's a tale of either a misunderstood practical joke, or one of the classic cases of dumbassery, ever. It's one thing to claim to be a different guy when the cops pull you over if you kinda look like the but another thing to do that when... Well, just look at the pictures:

No, seriously, officer. I really am this guy:


Good job there, buddy.

HEFTY SONG O' THE DAY

Vaginal Discharge - "Fat Farm Orgy"

So I gave this fat farm a try
Now I feel like I'm gonna die
Running laps on the track
Hoping I don't have a heart attack
But if I go, I'd rather go having sex
LOTS OF SEX!

C'mon, baby, we're both big tubs of lard
Let's get all the others and fuck in the yard

We'll have a fat farm orgy
Like the Summer of Love with cellulite
Fat farm orgy
Fat rolls flapping in the sunlight
Fat farm orgy
Big fat asses everywhere
Fat farm orgy
Let all the trainers stop and stare

I DON'T CARE!

We came here to lose weight
Resign ourselves to a hellish fate
Swimming laps in the pool
Sauna baths and plates of gruel
But I know something that burns more calories
THAN ANY OF THESE!

C'mon, baby, we're both big tubs of lard
Let's get all the others and fuck in the yard

We'll have a fat farm orgy
Like the Summer of Love with cellulite
Fat farm orgy
Fat rolls flapping in the sunlight
Fat farm orgy
Big fat asses everywhere
Fat farm orgy
Let all the trainers stop and stare

I DON'T CARE!