Dear ESPN...

Hey guys. Look, I know you guys all love Brett Favre. You looked the other way when he kept waffling over retirement for the last decade or so, you shrugged off all his 288 interceptions as being the result of a bad route by the receiver, you mentioned him at any opportunity during games that didn't even peripherally involve the Green Bay Packers, and I'm willing to guess that if he requested such a thing, you would all slaughter your own mothers in Brett Favre's name and follow it up by picking the dingleberries from his ass hair with your teeth, just to praise the glory of Favre. That's cool, though. You're sports media people, and that sort of thing is in your blood.

But now, there's this whole damn "Titletown USA" thing.

Look, I hate to say this, being a Chicago Bears fan and all, but just because the Packers are having such a nasty breakup with your boy, (editor's note: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha) it doesn't mean you get to reassign the goddamn name "Titletown USA." Green Bay, Wisconsin is, was, has been, and always will be Titletown USA. They came up with the fucking term. It's even on the official city seal:What's next? Are you going to reassign "The Windy City" to New Orleans because of the damn hurricane? Is Chelan, Washington going to be the new "Big Apple," on account of their delicious apples? And seriously, Valdosta? What? What do they have? A Wal-Mart? You're seriously giving it to them based on high school football? Where you can be guaranteed at least seven wins by scheduling all the local division negative-five-A schools where the offensive tackles weigh 127 pounds and the home field is mostly dead grass and dirt? And a Division II college team? Shit. All wining titles against seminaries and dental schools. Hell, I could beat Valdosta State. Just get me a baseball bat and a reason. It's like they picked the lowliest goddamn place in the competition, just to fully express how butthurt they were at the Packers or something. Seriously, ESPN, this whole thing was a farce.




The Packers still suck, though.

The air in my apartment...

It is in such a condition right now.

The joys of vehicle maintenance

You know what this is? It's my old fuel filter, from my car.

You know what that little red spot on it is?

Why, it's the same thing that's on this screw driver...

Just behind my driver's side headlight...

And here, on my bumper.

It's my old HUMAN BLOOD, from my BODY.

Meanwhile, here's the real bummer:

Ouch. Oh well.

Represent.

Oh man, I'm on Ebay

I decided I'd like to buy some stupid shit sometime soon, and to eliminate the practical impact such purchases would have, I'll sell some of my previous stupid shit. Most of it is going to consist of football cards that will sell at heart-breakingly low prices, but I decided to start things off with the big daddy of them all, which probably won't sell at all.

But here you go. And yes, I do feel like such a hack for that "A must-have for any true fan!" crap.

It's that crazy-rare Metallica CD I retardedly found for $8 at Hastings a while back, and if it goes for my outrageous asking price, (which is actually about the same as what I've seen it go for at auction in the past) I'll be really close to my $110 goal, which is what I'm assuming autographed cards of Devin Hester and Brian Urlacher will cost. But hey, if I'm gonna chase the dragon, I might as well not dip into my paycheck to do it. The Urlacher/Hester Autograph Ebay Telethon has begun~

UPDATE: Oh snap. SOLD. Now, hopefully the payment/shipping types things will go smoothly. Stupid forgetting about international folks.

Tub Cat

Is fooling no one.

Crate Cat.

Is in a crate.

MY FINGERS!