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Sweet jesus

This is happening inside my body as we speak.

They said it could never happen

But I actually just called in sick to work. Wow. This thing has been weird so far, in the I was the most miserably sick on the first day, but while I felt fairly decent yesterday, the whole "exploding ass" thing was about fifty times worse. Today shall be a mystery, but one that I'd rather not have unfold at work.

Of course, since I called in, this pretty much guarantees that I'll be magically healthy by 9:00.

Sick as a dog

My streak of not puking going back to 1995 is still intact, but the simple act of trying to chew a piece of gum this morning brought that dangerously close to an end. Meanwhile, I'm running a temperature in the low hundreds, my ass has clearly decided that it wants rid of everything in it, and I left work after about 30 minutes today, which if you know me, is pretty much unthinkable. Life is hard. Meanwhile, I haven't eaten anything today, but now that things have calmed down enough that the hasty exit of food will most likely not be through my mouth, I think I might go get a dang Big Mac. And some dang fries. Hells yeah.

Polar bear says:

"Fuck Tim Tebow."