Define awesome:

Coming to the realization that the belt I've been wearing to snugly hold my pants up for the last decade is now like way too big to even poke more holes in and use.

On the other hand,

The last thirty minutes or so were actually pretty good, with a relatively awesome ending. Still, with about sixty minutes that I could have done without, overall, Clerks 2 pretty much fucking failed.

Seriously, though

Watching this movie is like... You know, when you're reading some message board, and they're having a discussion about some really nerdy shit? It's like that in movie form, except it's like the meaningful posts where the few people who actually have lives outside the internet and intelligent thoughts every now and then who are all breaking the shit down have been erased, and it's all just the guys with screen names that end in numbers calling each other fags. This is mixed in with stuff that's like all those Saved by the Bell ripoff shows that came out in the nineties where the already bad writing and acting is way worse, but with the laugh track removed, so you can't tell where they were trying to be funny. And I think we're supposed to think it's awesome, because they're mentioning things nerds like and hitting all the standard Kevin Smith high spots where they talk about sucking cocks or whatever. This movie is like an episode of California Dreams where they keep talking about Lord of the Rings and ass-to-mouth, and it's not funny, and I'm glad I didn't pay money for this shit, and KEVIN SMITH, YOUR WIFE IS NOT THAT ATTRACTIVE AND SHOULDN'T BE IN MOVIES. BAAAAUUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH.

The part with Jay talking about Jesus was alright, though.

So I Illegally Downloaded Clerks 2

And yeah, 25 minutes in, and I still haven't even smiled. Life is filled with disappointment.

It's my way, or the SONG OF THE DAY

Voivod - "After All" (2006)

Joey Died
And nothing has changed
The street corners
Are still the same
I guess he still
Lives in my Head
When it's time
To share the bread
Still got holes
On my knees
But I won't
Buy the figurine
Yeah it's kind of
Sad to see
You in a box
Wrapped and Sealed

Who cares after all?
About the rise
And the fall
Makes the papers for one day
Not for what you had to say
Who cares after all?
Another flyer
On the wall
All the times have been washed out
All the ones we care about

Seen it, been there, done that!!

When I am mad
When I see red
I refer to
What Iggy says
I want to find
Myself in you
You wanna find
Yourself too

Who cares after all?
Win the race
Or drop the ball
If I make a silly face
Is it really what it takes?
Who cares after all?
About the records
On the wall
And the tattoos on your skin
Be the one you've never been

Yeah

Seen it, been there, done that!!

INTERNET! YAAAAAY!

Yup, things are slowly getting back to normal here. Now, I'm gonna go put on some pants, run by the bank, and maybe go box up some more of the little dregs and crumbs of stuff left at the old apartment. I mean, not that I don't have on pants now, I mean like I'm gonna go put on different pants.

Also, Mike Nelson of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fame is doing a new thing where you download an mp3 of him making fun of a movie for you to play while you watch said movie, and it's only a dollar ninety-nine for the time being and awesome. Check it out. Now, I need to find a copy of Roadhouse.

Total Moveage, Pt. Three

I'm unmotivated to retype my thoughts, so this is copied and pasted from a message board I posted on a minute ago:

Right now, I'm in the process of moving out of this apartment, with the computer still here for the use of the internet, which isn't hooked up at the new place till Monday. Right now, the air conditioner is broken. Right now, it is possibly over 95 degrees inside the apartment. Right now, you can all eat, and quite possibly choke on, my balls. My sweaty, sweaty balls.

Yeah. I'm gonna go clean out the bathroom now, while chugging whatever this Wal Mart generic Crystal Light stuff is called.

And I hate you.

Total Moveage, Pt. Two

Quick update before I head back to the non-internet apartment here. Yesterday was U-Haul day, my stuff fit ionto the new place shockingly well, and my cat is all sad and needy now that she's the lone cat in an apartment, which makes me want to try my luck with a second cat to occupy her all day. On another down note, I think moving my brother's fish tank reinjured whatever the hell was wrong with my foot a few months back, which is currently stuffed into my shoe with an Ace bandage wrapped around it. There's still a lot of moving out to do, with pretty much all the kitchen stuff still here, along with damn near everything my brother owns, it seems. He acted like he was going to spend all of today doing stuff yesterday, but as far as I can tell, I'm the only one who's been here today. But seeing as it's a little past eleven PM here, and it's 90 degrees outside and only five degrees cooler in here, I can't say I blame him. Fine time for a broken air conditioner. Anyway, for some reason, I'm feeling hella-unmotivated tonight, so I'm going to head back to my place, (it's weird saying that) do a little more arranging and moving in, maybe watch a movie or something, and pass out. Updates and presence on the internet will be sparse to say the least, as most of the time here will be spent doing moving stuff, there will probably be work to do on such things until the end of the month, and the internet won't be on at the other place until Monday. Also, this is Cox we're talking about, so that probably means the dude will come Monday, the net will stop working around Wednesday-ish, and I'll have to get the guy to come back some time in September. Cable-free life preparation continues, with illegal downloadings of Cool Runnings, an episode of MST3K from the Comedy Channel/Dr. Earhart era, and the newest Venture Bros. episode. That is easily the best show on TV, and Brock Samson is my hero. Anyway, I'm going to go hook up electronics, drink canned iced tea, and snuggle my fucking cat.

Oh yeah, In other weird news, I might be coming into enough money to pay off my car and kill my student loans, effectively raising my income by over 100 bucks a month sometime soon. I'll update on that later, I guess.

Go me, it's my birthday

And my first official act as a 26 year-old was to download and watch Karate Bullfighter, starring Sonny Chiba. This was important for me to do, because a while back, I spent like fifteen bucks on Ebay for a somewhat miniaturized version of the movie's poster, and it's got to be some sort of sin to own a movie poster for a movie you've never seen. (Even if it is the most kick-ass movie poster, ever.) Also on the illegally downloaded viewing agenda for the days to come are Karate Bearfighter, Karate Forever, (Those two being the other two thirds of the Oyama Trilogy, starring Sonny Chiba, of course.) and Big Trouble in Little China. (Perhaps one of Kurt Russell's finest moments.) With my mad skillz as a downloader of bullshit, I should be well-prepared for my upcoming life without cable. Which reminds me, I need to look and see if a new Venture Brothers episode is up anywhere.
Turning out to be a fine day so far. I'm gonna go sleep till noon or so, and then see about getting a new, in-state driver's license.

Voivod and Other Stuff

Hey, so I illegally downloaded the new Voivod album, Katorz, the other day, (You know, the one they made from demo recordings after their guitar player died, etc.)and while I don't have time for a full review, I will say that unless I'm completely broke again by then, I probably will buy it for real whenever it comes out on the 25th. I'm cool like that. But anyway, there's a few different camps when it comes to Voivod:
The first are the too-old-school-for-their-own-good metalheads who have been wishing since 1989 or so that the band would just make a generic thrash re-hashing of Rrroooaaarrr or War and Pain, and have brains too walnut-sized to handle anything they've done since their (kinda shitty) early material. If this is you, you won't like this album.
The second really dug all the weirder stuff they were doing on albums like Nothingface and The Outer Limits and aren't too tied down to the idea that they have to "totally thrash, dude." I suppose you've got maybe a 50/50 shot of liking this one, I dunno.
Third, if you don't need everything to be all-out speed metal and can stand the idea of Voivod doing some straight-forward rocking, instead of just going all over the place, you'll probably dig this album a lot. Basically, if you liked the self-titled 2003 album, you'll love this, because it's along the same lines, but better. This is pretty much where I fall, thus the decision to pay money for it someday.
After that, there's the "why the hell is this guy singing through his nose?" crowd, and I suppose you guys should probably just skip this one.

But really, all this serves as a reminder of my crappy luck with bands I like putting out good stuff lately.
Anthrax puts out We've Come for You All, their most critically-acclaimed record in a while and maybe their best with John Bush, and the next thing you know, they've kicked him out of the band and put together the old lineup, which includes a singer who doesn't fit anything Anthrax has written in over a decade and a guitar player who thinks Scott Ian is going to burn in hell for reading Stephen King.
Sepultura finally puts out a good album with Derrick Green on vocals, (and I'm not ashamed to say I liked Dante XXI better than Beneath the Remains or Arise.) and it's immediately followed by the only remaining Cavalera brother leaving the band to do techno and hip-hop or some crap like that, and Andreas Kisser undecided on whether he wants to continue with the band after the tour is over. This will undoubtedly lead to them reuniting with Max Cavalera, who's spent the last decade pretending he's a rock star and making horrible mall-rock albums with Soulfly, reforming the lineup that most recently gave us the steaming pile of shit that was Roots.
Then, there's Voivod, who put out a really good album, but have to record it AFTER one of their main guys fucking dies, which kind of makes touring and future albums difficult. (I know they said Piggy had recorded enough stuff for three or four albums, but you have to assume that the best stuff got used for this one. Remember when Metallica crapped out an album of Load leftovers? Yeah.)

I just can't win sometimes.

GRANDMOTHER QUOTE OF THE DAY

"All them Indians out there, and you ain't found a girlfriend yet?"

Yep.

Gotta go to Mississippi. Be back Wednesday-ish. Whee.

Total Moveage, Pt. One

Over the course of the next few weeks, I'm totally moving out of this place, and into a place of my own. It's like either the world's smallest apartment or the world's most luxurious closet. It's gonna be sweet. And until the inevitable gap between when I ask Cox to transfer my internet over there and when something inevitably fucks up, leaving me net-less for a week, I figured I'd chronicle anything interesting that happens between now and then. So yeah, website updates will be nonexistent, as all free time will either be spent packing and moving, or spent doing nothing while thinking how bad I need to be packing and moving. Anyway, the shit went down today. All kinds of deposits and first-month's-rents, and shit like that got paid. Right now, my bank balance is officially 914.77, but by the time all the checks and stuff from the last few days clear, I'll have a little over 200 bucks. This includes the last rent for this place, (double the usual amount, since my brother paid like five whole months at once earlier this year) the cable bill I just paid, the deposit to turn the electricity on, and the ten bucks or so I spent today for some mini-blinds and one of those sink strainer things you use to keep your sink from getting clogged by hell of macaroni noodles. Also, the deposit and first month's rent had already been paid for the new place, which serves as a startling example both of how much money I can accumulate over the summer, as well as how fast it can be pissed away. Also, I paid forty-five (gotta love those 20% off coupons you get every week from Bed, Bath, & Beyond) dollars for a Foreman Grill of my very own. Turns out, my brother's girlfriend has like five and would have given me one, but fuck it, I'm getting most of my other appliances for free, so I have to do at least one giant spendathon to ring in the new life of roommatelessness. Plus, it has detachable grill plates. It'll be so clean so often. Man. Anyway, power's on at the new tinyplace, so I managed to take a Hefty Carload over there earlier. The blinds I bought ended up being too small, but this was rectified by moving the blind-holder things in a quarter inch or so with the weak-ass-but-still-useful Black and Decker cordless Battery Operated Screwdriver I splurged fifteen dollars on a month ago. The only potential problem I see so far is the air conditioner. The thing's bootleg as all hell. Like the decorative-and-functional front part air conditoners have to protect the delicate inner-workings is completely gone, and there's not even an air filter on there. Also, the fins or whatever you call them are all mashed down, (possibly attributed to the front part being gone) so air intake is probably a problem, leading to future disaster, and the thing is loud. Supposedly, a dude at work has a fairly modernized window unit back home that I can use if my window will hold it, so this might not be too much of a concern, though. If he comes through with that, I have to hook him up with pirated Venture Brothers DVDs. A good aspect of the new place, past the bootleg air conditooner and the tinyness of it all, is the shower. The shower at the current homestead sucks. Actually, it's broken, as in having to take baths. But even when it worked, there was no water pressure. But the new place, man, it has huge carloads of water pressure. I cleansed myself there earlier, and it was beautiful. And when I transfer my $17 shower head to that one, I'll be in for a new world of shower-based luxuriation. The only problem was that I forgot to take a towel, so I had to dry off with the pants I wore today.

And oh yeah, after I was done drying off, I had to run a naked lap around the living room-type area.

Just because I could.